A hormone found predominantly in wealthy people was linked to a longer life, according to British research published Thursday. Scientists from University College London studied thousands of over-50s for the English Longitudinal Study of Aging and found that wealthier participants had higher levels of the life-lengthening hormone DHEAS.
This startling development was pounced on by the White House as the answer to a dream. A spokesman for the President stated: "Along with our plan for the redistribution of the money of wealthy Americans, we will now be able to redistribute their longevity as well. By taking the hormone from these undeserving rich folks we can produce a synthetic DHEAS for injection into the less fortunate among us."
Obama has plans to create another agency to handle this genetic engineering program. The new head has yet to be announced but the position has already been dubbed "The Heredity Czar". The administration has rushed this program into existence as a way of helping the flagging fortunes of many democrats in Tuesday's elections. When reached for comment about the new program, the democratic candidate for Governor of Rhode Island was heard to say: "Obama can take his hormones and reproduce himself !!!
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