Friday, January 28, 2011

Liberals want you to believe conservative rhetoric is dangerous. Try race baiting on for size!

            Meet Virginia representative Jim   
           Moron...excuse me...Moran.

The year is still quite young but the esteemed democratic representative Mr. Moran has issued what will probably be the most idiotic statement out of Washington D.C. for some time to come. Wait a minute, what am I saying, this is DC we're talking about. 

Anyway, following the President's SOTU speech last Tuesday Moran stated that "the reason the Democrats lost so heavily in November's elections was because voters don't want to be governed by an African-American." He went further saying;  "It happened ... for the same reason the Civil War happened in the United States". "Southern states, particularly the slaveholding states, didn't want to see a president who was opposed to slavery. 

"In this case a lot of people in this country, it's my belief, don't want to be governed by an African-American, particularly one who is inclusive, who is liberal, who wants to spend money on everyone and who wants to reach out to include everyone in our society. And that's a basic philosophical clash,"

Grab a chair, put the TIVO on record, and bring in refreshments because this is going to take a while. This statement is ludicrous on so many levels that it's hard to know where to begin.

Let's try by dissecting his statement. "voters don't want to be governed by an African-American". Was Mr. Moran visiting the planet Zenon in 2008? I think we elected an African-American if I'm not mistaken. I think it's safe to say that even those of us who didn't vote for Obama (because of ideological differences, by the way) felt a twinge of pride that America showed the rest of the world that we can put prejudices aside in a big way. So what does Obama do right away? He went around the world apologizing for our country.  Not exactly uplifting was it?  Did Mr. Moran also take a trip to the Klingon galaxy in November? Mr. Obama was not on the ballot. His policies however, were. Was Moran beating the anti African-American drum when Obama's approval rating was 70% and he was awarded a Nobel Peace prize just for showing up for work? The gist of the election result, Mr. Moran, was not that we don't want a President that is African-American, it was that we don't want a President who is a big government spendthrift.

His comparison of this political climate with the pre-Civil War climate is beyond the pale. In the first place, as he himself points out, the Civil War was an armed insurrection against a white president because he was sympathetic to the plight of African-Americans. The November elections were a constitutional vote against the policies of the President, not him personally. If Obama has any political ear at all he will moderate his positions as it appears he is starting to do. The November elections may have been the best thing that could have happened to him, vis-a-vis his bid for reelection in 2012.

His last utterance is so self-incriminating it is laughable. "Particularly one who is inclusive, who is liberal, who wants to spend money on everyone and who wants to reach out to include everyone in our society. And that's a basic philosophical clash," 1. Let's look at inclusive first. This whole country was built on being inclusive. We have citizens here from every country on earth. Our Universities and colleges matriculate a very high percentage of every race, creed and sexual preference that exists. We are so inclusive that there are an estimated 12 million undocumented aliens working and living in this country as I write this. Yes, we would prefer that they had taken the legal route to citizenship, but they are here nonetheless. 2. Wants to spend money on everyone. This paradoxical statement is astounding. Obama doesn't have any money to spend on everyone. Neither does the treasury. You do. The money he wants to spend is yours. Wouldn't you rather decide who you want to help with your money? Do you think Obama might be just a wee bit influenced to spend money on the people who might then vote for him in return? What if they're not the group you think needs the help? That's what the November election was about Mr. Moran. 3. Is liberal. Well, Mr. Moran, the last time I checked the history books, this country has and has had liberals and conservatives since its very founding. To say that we don't want an African-American President because he is liberal is the ultimate compliment to the Constitution. We elect and remove conservative and liberal presidents like salicylic acid removes warts. Mr. Obama is in good company, sir. 4. Include everyone in our society. Society: An extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization; or: A formal association of people with similar interests. Taken literally, that means that Mr. Obama would like all 300 million of us to have the same interests and like it. Let me ask you this Mr. Moran: does everyone in your own family even have the same interests? I didn't think so. I thought the byword for liberals was diversity. Has that changed?

The most aggravating thing about this shallow statement by Moran is its obvious attempt to use race as reason to elect someone. If you follow his logic how can it be otherwise? Mr. Obama is an African-American. Voters don't want to be governed by an African-American. The only way to prove that we are not racist is to keep electing an African-American. They don't have to be good, they just have to be African-American. Let's take Moran's logic a step further with a hypothetical. Let's say that Sarah Palin defies all the odds (like Obama) and is elected President. Let's say that she is voted out in the following election. Do you think the liberals would say that we are a nation of misogynists? Would Mr. Moran say that voters just don't want to be governed by a woman? So you see, it's more a matter of your particular loyalties isn't it?

Adding insult to injury, Mr. Moran made these statements about America's perceived injustices to an Arab Cable Network. I guess the fact that the Arab world still oppresses women and stones them to death if they are raped or won't agree to an arranged marriage has escaped Mr. Moran. But he wants Arabs to know we're baddies because he thinks we don't want to be governed by an African-American....oh wait, we are governed by an African-American aren't we? There's that annoying little fact again.

Well, I could go on and on about this but would most certainly be repeating myself. I'll leave you with this ironic note. In the same published article and on the same page with Mr. Moran's comments, was this recent poll by Real Clear Politics:

You'll note that the approval numbers for Obama, the African-American President, are positive 7.1%. The numbers for "is this country going in the right direction" i.e., his policies, are negative 23.5 %. Perhaps Mr. Moran should have read this before he made his asinine statement.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Let me take this opportunity to apologize...........

Americans are very forgiving a fault actually. We've all made mistakes and had to correct ourselves. We just naturally have sympathy and empathy for those unfortunates who have a very high profile and say something they regret or have to recant. All we ask is that you own up to what you have done. If you lied, tell us, we'll probably give you another chance before we classify you as a habitue of prevarication.

Having said this, why is it that whenever a public figure gets caught in an outright lie they want us to believe that they just "misspoke". Or worse yet, they insult our intelligence that we just "took it out of context". Come on folks, I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night! So, to help these these misguided pundits, I hereby post the definitions of two words from two different online dictionaries.

Lie: verb; 1. tell an untruth; pretend with intent to deceive.
                2. to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive.

Misspeak: verb; 1. pronounce a word incorrectly.
                          2. to speak (as a word) incorrectly.

The most recent example of this (and it happens in both liberal and conservative camps) is celebrity journalist Mike Evans. As part of an interview about his "on the road with Mike Evans" show he said he spoke with the Governor of Hawaii about the lack of a birth certificate for Obama when in fact he spoke only with the hospital. He lied. He did not mispronounce the Governor's name. He didn't confuse "Governor Abercrombie" with the word "hospital". He didn't misspeak, he lied. Now he is all apologetic and "embarrassed" that we, the unclean and ignorant, may have gotten the impression that he spoke directly with the Governor about it. Well, duh, that's what you said!

This is only the most recent of so many examples of this from all walks of life; from sports to politics to news reporting. It's classic backtracking after you have been caught in an untruth. Blame it on the people that heard it, not yourself. Aren't you tired of people saying they're sorry "if" they were misunderstood, when you know they were trying to get away with it?

And apologies these days are a joke unto themselves. Can anyone actually say anymore, "I offended or hurt you and I am sorry to you personally"? It doesn't seem so. It's always "I regret if anyone might have taken offense at my remark". Wow, talk about humble pie! I think what they're saying is that it's a real shame that we are so stupid that we don't see the wisdom of what they said and are so sensitive that we just couldn't see that the insult was intended to help us become better people. And some of us are so dumb we don't even know if it was offensive or who among us is offended!

Well, anyway, if you don't see that this is one of the most insightful posts ever, then you're not as intelligent as I thought. Oh, and I regret it if any of you might have found that previous sentence offensive.

Monday, January 24, 2011

If you're calling to get frustrated....please press #1

I can't believe how bad it's getting. The number of prompts that a typical phone call requires from these automated answering devices is now astronomical. You need a half an hour and a course in memory enhancement to navigate it all. I'm sure you've all experienced this in just trying to reach an agent for help with some problem you're having with their product.

Let me show you how a call I made the other day went:

"Welcome, thank you for calling the White House. This call may be monitored for purposes of quality control and/or retribution. Main menu: For Spanish press 1, for French press 2, for German press 3, for Russian press 4, for Chinese press 5, for Japanese press 6, for Farsi press 7, for Kenyan press 8, for English press 9. Press 0 if all of these languages are Greek to you."

So I pressed 9. "If you are calling because you are dissatisfied with the Obamacare plan, press 1 (caution: the hold time for this selection is 427 days). If you are calling because you are upset with the stimulus plan, press 2 (wait time 317 days). If you are calling because you disagree with the administration's immigration policies, press 3 (wait time 235 days). If you are calling for any other reason, press 4 and you will be transferred immediately."

So I pressed 4. "If you are calling to donate money to President Obama's reelection campaign, press 1. If you are calling to volunteer for his election campaign staff, press 2. If you are calling to set up a fund-raising dinner, press 3. If you are not calling to donate, volunteer or fund-raise, press 4."

So I pressed 4. "If you are a foreign dignitary looking for an apology, press 1. If you would like to rent the Lincoln bedroom for a night, press 2. If you are an expert at creating authentic looking documents, such as birth certificates, by all means, press 3. If you are a conservative, we're sorry but the President is on vacation again,  please press 4 to return to the main menu or press 5 to be transferred to Nancy Pelosi.

I gave up.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ultimate definition of optimism.....

Noun: Optimism  'op-ti, mi-zum - "Expecting the U.S. Congress to decide and agree on important national issues when they can't even agree on where to sit during the State of the Union Address."

Sunday, January 16, 2011

"They did what?" Awards -- Volume II-1st Edition

The "mouse that roared" award to a man jailed in Nassau County, New York. A judge ruled that the man may sue the county, claiming that a rat bit him on the penis while he was in his cell. The man has had to undergo a serious of painful rabies shots. The county is defending itself saying that there is no rodent infestation in its jail. The defense attorney for the county remarked in an impromptu news conference outside the courthouse " we are also investigating the possibility that the plaintiff was romantically involved with Lorena Bobbitt."

The "all in the name of art" award to German sculptor Marcel Walldorf.  According to Breitbart News "A prize-winning lifelike sculpture of a squatting policewoman urinating has whipped up a storm of protest in Germany, where it went on prominent display last week. It depicts a young female police officer in full riot gear crouching to pee, with exposed buttocks and a small gelatin "puddle" affixed to the floor of the gallery at the Academy of Fine Arts in Dresden, eastern Germany." The sculpture is titled "Petra." The artist dismisses the uproar as a bunch of ignorant people who don't appreciate art depicting our culture. Rumor among the artistic elite has it that her next great work will be titled "Fireman with Diarrhea"

The "man bites dog" award to the hunter in Belarus, Russia.  A wounded fox shot its would be killer in Belarus by pulling the trigger on the hunter's gun as the pair scuffled after the man tried to finish the animal off with the butt of the rifle. This incident ended when the fox eventually escaped and the man went to the hospital to be treated for a leg wound. There is apparently no truth to the report that the fox was heard to utter "Tally Ho" as it limped off into the woods.

The "we're from the government, we're here to help you" award to the City of Detroit. Besides mailing out 60,000 real estate tax bills with the wrong tax rate, the city of Detroit also sent two tax bills to some families while others received none at all. Seizing on this unfortunate oversight, the Obama administration is now investigating this as a possible new approach to its "spread the wealth" program. A spokesman for Timothy Geithner, Treasury Secretary, hypothesized that the department is looking into those families making over $250,000 paying everyone else's taxes as well as their own.

The "here's one immigrant that ain't sneakin by us" award to the U.S. Immigration Service. According to Britain's paper The Telegraph, a 9 year old boy has been denied a Visa to visit the U.S. to collect on a surprise trip to Disney World bought for him by his grandparents. The boy lives in England but has a South African passport. The U.S. immigration agency claims the boy has no real permanent domicile and is a threat to stay in the U. S. after his Visa expires. In related news, the Department of Homeland Security has released figures that another 77,000 undocumented Mexican children have crossed the border into the U.S. this month.

The "best misuse of bank bailout money" award to LaSalle and Cenlar Federal Savings Bank in Philadelphia. The bank, in what has to be its finest humanitarian moment, told an 85 year old mortgagee that if she paid a $5800.00 fee, they would forgive the fact that she missed the final $432 payment on her 30 year mortgage. The woman, who was hospitalized at the time she missed her last ever payment on the mortgage, is suing the bank for foreclosing in lieu of the $5800 payment. What's even worse, the original judge on the case threw her suit out! The appeals court has overruled and allowed the suit to continue.

The "one flew over the chicken coop" award to the scientists in England who have created a genetically modified "superchicken" which doesn't spread deadly bird flu. Hailing this as a breakthrough in protecting humans and millions of other birds from this ravaging disease, the biologists stated it is 'inconceivable' that its meat or eggs could be harmful. It should be noted however, that since this "superchicken" was conceived from another live chicken embryo, it does not answer the age old question of "which came first?" Scientists have also revealed that this new "superchicken" has an uncontrollable urge to cross the road. They say they don't know why.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Your horoscope for today........

Due to the recently discovered changes in the earth's rotation, this is your new revised horoscope for today:

You will be confused by the issuance of the new horoscope date ranges.

You will go to Wikipedia and look up the word Ophiuchus.

Your moon will be in the 7th house of Sagittarius it's the 4th condo of the 3rd villa of, no, now I remember, it's the 4th apartment on the left just past Ursa Major, you can't miss it.

You will meet the perfect man tonight and say to him "so what's your sign?" He will not know it.

You will come into a great deal of money......oops, that was your previous will lose a great deal of money.

Your prospects for a job are enhanced. There will be many openings for new horoscope calendar salespeople.

Do not sign any important documents while Mercury is rising. Keep a thermometer with you until you see it dropping. 

Do not drive today. The new star alignment indicates that your carburetor needs cleaning. Didn't we talk about this when you were a Libra?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tomorrow's headlines today.......

Dateline: December 2011 ---- Mass pardon granted by President Obama! After an exhaustive investigation, during which the entire incarcerated population of mass murderers in U.S. was interviewed, pardons have been granted to nearly all of them. The criterion for release was merely a straightforward question to the convicted felons, to wit: "Did you ever, prior to committing the crime for which you are now serving sentence, listen to or read any statements made by Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin or any Fox News commentator?" An astonishing 99.99% admitted that they had. It should be noted that "I'm not sure, maybe!" was considered an affirmative response. Since the overwhelming success this year of the "political rhetoric" defense in courtrooms across the land, Obama mused "it's obvious that these convictions were in error."  One prisoner, who was pretty much incoherent, but did manage to say he was a fan of MSNBC, was not pardoned but instead transferred to a mental hospital to serve out his sentence.

Dateline: July 2036 ----- At long last, the remaining vestiges of Conservatism have been expunged from history books. This arduous task, taken on in the spirit of volunteerism by the staff of, was finally completed this month. To avoid any claims of revisionist history, not all names of conservative leaders have been stricken, but any reference to them has to be followed by the words "the capitalist pig." In keeping with this new manifesto, the aircraft carriers USS Ronald Reagan, USS George H. W. Bush and USS Dwight D. Eisenhower have been renamed  USS Michael Moore, USS Vladimir Lenin and USS Rahm Emanuel, respectively.

Dateline: August 2068 ---- It's official, global warming has been eradicated! After decades of selfless dedication Al Gore, the 120-year old former Vice-President, can rest easy. Through his diligent efforts at convincing the country, nay, the world, that self-deprivation was the only way to combat this human caused blight, the victory was achieved. The last moment of any temperatures recorded above zero anywhere on earth was in July 2065 in Mozambique where it reached a balmy 2 degrees. In his statement, Gore regaled the effort as "worth every tireless moment and 927 quadrillion CO2 emissions that I have spent addressing it." In a moment of unbridled nostalgia Gore, barely audible at his advanced age, whispered "remember when we use to drive around in those gol darn polluting machines, you know, those whatchamacallits, at which point he was whisked away in his horse and sleigh to attend bingo night at the home. In related news, the National Geographic Special, "Ice Skating the Amazon" has been rescheduled for Friday at 9:00PM on the NGEO channel.

Dateline: June 2084 ----- No homicides in last 73 years! It has been 73 years since the Constitution was declared null and void and conservative political speech was banned outright. Noting the obvious correlation, U.S. President Pedro Gonzalez stated that since right wing commentators were removed from the airways, the country has a zero murder rate. It was thought that a murder had occurred in 2059 but it turned out to be justifiable homicide since the victim was an avowed member of the Republican underground. Democratic President-for-life Gonzalez, who was born and raised in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico and is working on becoming an American citizen, applauded the efforts of everyone involved in this amazing statistic. He elaborated, saying "I would like especially to thank all the parents, both #1s and #2s, for their diligence in making sure their children were instilled with Utopian ideals and became a contributing part of the commune. Remember, it takes a village."

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Challenging word problem for the politically correct....

Part A: Definitions

1. Suspect: A person who is suspected of committing an act, usually a crime.

2. Perpetrator: A person who has carried out or committed an act, usually a crime.

Part B: Quiz

Jared Loughner of Tucson, Arizona is the (suspect/perpetrator) of the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords.
(Circle the correct answer)

If you got this wrong, even after a 50% chance of guessing it, you are politically correct and could work for most any newspaper or news show in America.

If you still don't know the answer, here it is. Jared is the PERPETRATOR. He is not a suspect. He is not a "person of interest". He is the perpetrator. The other person they are looking for is a suspect. He is a "person of interest". Jared is the perpetrator. OK let's review. A person who carries out or commits an act that is a crime is what? That's right, a perpetrator. Jared shot 20 people in front of hundreds of others, therefore he is a what again? PERPETRATOR. Very good.

Extra credit: Does the fact that Jared is actually a perpetrator and not a suspect affect his constitutional right to legal representation and due process?

If you answered no, congratulations, you are starting to understand that you don't have to be politically correct to administer justice.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Was Chicken Little prescient?

With the recent spate of birds deaths around the world, it appears Chicken Little was on to something. The so-called "aflockalypse" of the last couple of weeks has the experts scrambling for explanations. Most ornithologists say that these mass deaths are rare but not unprecedented. Citing anything from weather and fireworks to changes in the earths magnetic fields, these zoologists say "not to worry". Apparently these aberrations are akin to the occasional beaching of whales. Those events are generally blamed on factors such as illness, or disorientation caused by extra noise in the oceans, from shipping or oil and gas drilling. Frankly, I think it's George Bush's fault because he doesn't care about the whales, but I digress.

One expert postulated that lightning in the area startled the birds who then flew into buildings, noting that other than raptors, birds do have notoriously bad eyesight. However, slowly but surely human causes crept into the discussion. Any kind of manufacturing plants, especially chemical, remotely near these incidents were pointed out. And then, of course, the old standbys, pollution and climate change made their inevitable appearance on the likely causes list.

Sorry, but my fears are not put to rest with their intellectual mumbo-jumbo. I know what is causing this. The sky is actually falling. Tiny patches of the sky are falling and as they gather speed and more air molecules, they bring the birds down with them. You know, much like a big snowball can be made from rolling a small one around. Have you ever noticed that as adults we discover that there really is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. But has anyone ever discredited Chicken Little? No. He just kind of slipped into the recesses of our collective subconscious as some over-sexed fowl who was trying to impress Henny Penny with a trumped up story about the sky hitting him on the head. Who among us even gave a second thought to the fact that the acorn had to have been forced to fall by something?

The jury is still out on what is causing these incidents. But the next time you think a trip to Colonel Sanders is a good idea, think of that little fella who tried to warn all mankind so we could get a leg up. I'll keep you abreast of the outcome.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Captain Honors......a little too enterprising for his own good.

The news story of Capt. Owen Honors, Captain of the USS Enterprise, is a very sad one. He is being relieved of command for creating, participating in and distributing very "raunchy" videos to the crew of the Enterprise back in 2007. I am ambivalent in my feelings about this. 

Let me take his side for the moment. I was an officer aboard an aircraft carrier for two years during the Vietnam war. These type ships were deployed for up to 10 months at a time. They would have occasional liberty ports in foreign waters but never at home during the deployment. For every break they got in a port while refitting they would steam around in the ocean for months at a time. During this time, they would undertake some of the most hazardous duties that exist in the military short of actual combat. And for the aviators, it was actual combat. To launch and recover jet fighters and bombers off of a moving, bobbing 90,000 ton landing strip in all kinds of weather and darkness is no mean feat. The dangers to pilots and flight deck crew are legendary. Perhaps you recall the incident in the 60's involving now Senator John McCain aboard the USS Forrestal where several hundred sailors were killed and the ship almost lost. This was not from any enemy action, just an accident up on the flight deck. On my ship, which was not deployed in a war zone, we had several fires aboard every month. Fortunately, few were serious and all were brought quickly under control by well trained crew. When you think of all the ship's fuel, the aviation gasoline and the munitions aboard, it's a sobering vision.

OK, you're wondering, what's his point? My point is these folks are out there risking life and limb everyday with no home to go to or places to let off steam. There's no soccer games or neighborhood parties to attend after a day at the office. The officers and crew are left to their own devices for entertainment to relieve the pressure and stress of what they do every day. That includes making movies that parody their lifestyle. It's a morale booster and not uncommon.

Having said all that, lets take a look at the downside of Captain Honors' actions. At the time of the questionable videos, he was Executive Officer of the ship. That is the second in command, ranking above all other officers and enlisted, except the Captain. (In the Navy and Coast Guard, Captain is a rank and a command position. For example, the "Captain" of a small ship might only be a Lieutenant in rank.) The very position of "Exec" evokes images of a seasoned, intelligent officer who is to be respected and obeyed without question. Someone who, if put in the position, would be expected to make decisions to save the ship and the lives of the crew. Of course that goes doubly for the Captain of the ship. He is God while that ship is deployed.

Captain Honors, who is now the Captain of the Enterprise, crippled his standing with the crew when he got involved in this incident. You are hearing them all come to his defense now, but to me, that is only an indication that he has become "one of the guys" in their minds. This is a grievous position for someone in command to put themselves in. Discipline in the military is the most crucial element for the success of any unit. Perhaps you have heard the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt". That's at play here. The Naval Command must be sure that all of its commanding officers, especially the ones in charge of multi-billion dollar ships with nuclear weapons aboard, are sound in their judgment. Honors was lax in judgment in "mingling" with the crew in this manner.

I am disheartened by the loss of a career for a brave and accomplished officer such as Owen Honors. Naval aviators are among America's best and brightest. But none are above the morals and traditions of the service as a whole. The country's security depends too much on it. 

Monday, January 3, 2011

And this year I resolve to...........


Ten New Year's resolutions I would LOVE to hear from each member of congress:

1. I resolve to cut spending as if my mortgage depended on it. It should.

2. I resolve to repeal Obamacare. If we replace it at all,  it will be with a bill that doesn't require Medicare being the "fall guy".

3. I resolve to freeze my pay until the Cost of Living Adjustment is reinstated into Social Security.

4. I resolve to remind myself daily that, if these government imposed social programs are so necessary for the "good of the people", then they should never be considered for reductions for people who have been forced to pay into them for decades.

5. Regarding resolution #3. I resolve also to never vote myself a pay increase unless approved by my boss, i.e. the American people, in a special election. But then only after an increase of COLA.

6. I resolve to never again castigate Wall Street for unsavory business practices and then turn around and print money to fund pork, earmarks and pet projects. Oh, and to get votes.

7.  I resolve that I will never refer to maintaining current tax rates as a "tax cut." The taxpayers will be paying the same amount (more for estates) not less. It is their money they are keeping, not ours.

8. I resolve I will never go back home to a town hall meeting and tell my constituents they don't know what's good for them. They do.

9. I resolve that I will never again pass a bill that I haven't read or that is too long to possibly read. I especially will not vote for a bill because "that's the only way to find out what's in it!"

10. I resolve that if I renege on any of these resolutions, I will give back any salary that I have collected and apologize to the American people.

Signed________________Representative/ Senator
Your humble employee.